follow up

so you know that you have a good doctor/nurse practitioner when she is worried and wants to dig into something even when others tell her that it is all good. i got a phone call on friday and she wants me to see a breast surgeon. She kept telling me she just wanted to be sure. She was trying to convince me to go when I had already said, "ok" and "sure" three or four times. Oy!

I was stressed enough during the last appointment. i don't think anything could strees me out more. i will just do what i did during my ultrasound: pray. know what I prayed? please God, don't let me worry. i know that nothing was going to change in that very second so what else was there to ask for? so i will pray for the same thing...not to worry....

maybe you could too...

mammograms

What a stressful way to spend the afternoon. I have had some weird issues going on so the doctor said, "Let's get that checked out". So I made an appointment and went in today.

Stressful.

Have the first "boob-squish". go sit down and wait. Oh, um, we need some more pictures of 2 specific spots. Hmm, ok.

Thanks. Go have a seat.

Oh, we need to do an ultrasound, so I am going to go get that ready. OOOOOOOOOk.

Hang out here and wait.

Come on in. Ultrasound, hmmm. Take a picture of that. Oh, take that one too. Hmmm,  click, click, click.

Wait here I need to ask the radiologist if she want to check this out.

Wait.

Oh, yes. She would like to check it out herself.

Hmmmm.

Well, looks good. Alot of cysts, but they don't do anything or mean anything. don't know why you are having the issues, but it's all good.

Well that's good, but really? Did you have to put me through an hour and a half of stress? They were nice. They were sweet. They tried to make me comfortable, but i was totally wiped out by the time I got home.



Fall

Except for the wonderful warmth of summer? Fall is my favorite time of year. Actually around October 1st until January 2nd. It's my favorite. I love to decorate. I love to sew. I love to craft and create. I love sending Christmas cards and receiving "real" mail everyday with some other family smiling from their Christmas card.
Right now I have been building Halloween table runners. Every time I go to the fabric store, which is too terribly often (I think it's where my paycheck goes after soccer) I find a few new Halloween fabrics and have to build another table runner. I think I have made 10 or so now.

This one I sent to my sister and Dusty. They truly only take 10 minutes and I just need to move on to the next holiday.

I am also working on another quilt. I just finished the "pink one" that Haley requested. I also found the cutest Christmas card holder, but I think I need to ask mom for help in making it. I will let you know how it turns out.

I am off to finish the squares that I am currently working on. It's a surprise, so I hope that it's a good one. I will post it after I have made the surprise!

the last 2 weeks...

What a crazy two weeks! For someone who only works 3.5 hours each day I am never home. Never! For the last 2 weeks I have been taking a class on our school citizenship program. I have had physical therapy on my shoulder twice a week. The Thursdays? Leave home at 8:30 and get home at 6:15. I only work for 3.5 hours. But I was at school for over 7. Hmmm definitely doing something wrong here.

So, Friday was my home day. My day to actually get Jack off the bus day. My cook dinner at home day. My hang out day. I needed that, cuz today? we left at 8:30 and got home at 5:30. Two sets of soccer pix and a soccer game in Tacoma, (That they lost.) and late lunch afterwards. Pick up Konley from a friends and wait up til 12:30 for him to come home from his paintballing party. Can't let him spend the night cuz he has a soccer game tomorrow.

I never realized what a crazy life this would be. I don't regret it at all. I just really wish that there were more hours in every day!

Quilting

So my mom has given me a new way to spend time. Quilting. I am having so much fun. I think I am having more fun designing them than actually putting them together. It brings out the artsy-fartsy in me.

This is my most recent. Just to give you a bit of perspective this is our ping-pong table. My girlfriends daughter saw the one I was making for my niece and said,  "I want a pink one!" I made one for her and her sister last Christmas that had ice skating material on it because they are both big into skating. They were my second and third after finishing my sisters. It was basic and simple, queen-sized but all 8" squares. Now look at me. I get out my graph paper and start designing.  This is my next project idea:

My cousin is requesting owls for Bella's first birthday party: look Whooooo's turning 1. I spent hours searching for this owl last night and turns out I had the magazine and pattern up in my room! Yay for me! Her birthday is the beginning of November so I need to get a move on but I am totally excited!

Also in my search I have found many different quilting blogs...here we go!

There are days...

    There are days where I really feel as though I don't know what I am doing. More like which way I am going. Even though I started working at Emerson last year, it was November. The kids had the routine down. They knew their numbers, they knew their teacher, they knew the Make Your Day citizenship program that we had, they knew what was going on...even if I didn't.

This year? Totally on me. This year we still have 5 lunches, but the time from beginning of the first to the end of the last has been shortened by 25 minutes. That's alot of time to have squished together. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster. Especially with the 1st graders. Who no longer have 1st lunch. They have 3rd, so they can't come in early. We have over 110 1st graders. The majority of whom buy lunch, don't know their number and can't seem to figure out that Mrs. Roberts means zip your lip when she says that we come in silently! I actually had one escape out the side doors to recess today, before lunch was actually done.

I know that somehow we will get into a routine. At some point I will be able to breathe before the end of the day, but I am not holding my breath.

Great day

What a great day! My mom got to take the day off and we went to the Evergreen State Fair. She found that if we brought 3 cans of food per person you got in for free! Free! It was going to cost us $41! Free is so much better. Now that mom is working she wanted to pay for the boys to have all-day ride bracelets. They had a blast!
We ate scones, rode rides, walked and walked and walked. It was sunny. It was easy. It was fun. We haven't had many days like that. I forgot how much I miss having my mom to hang out in summer. She has been off work the last couple of years, and I am so excited for her that she now has a job, but... I miss having her to call up just to hang out.
So, we are packing up our summer clothes. We are putting away the swimming clothes and camping gear and getting ready for school. We have this last weekend to play and then life goes back to a schedule. But for now? We got to play today, we have a soccer tournament this weekend (for Konley), we have a birthday party with friends tomorrow night, and we are headed to the beach house Sunday and Monday.
What a wonderful way to finish up summer!

School

School starts next week and we have another new principal. It can't be worse than last year so I am excited/nervous. We got our schedules today and I am more nervous than anything. I am not so good at change but she did give all of us a book about change...something about "who moved my cheese?". I will let you know how it goes.

schedules

So, no one ever tells you how different life is with 3 kids. You have 2 hands, but 3 kids. We have 2 parents and 3 places to go. We seem to be one short lately on everything. I knew when they were little it would be difficult. Booster seats and strollers. Crossing the street and having to have everyone hold hands.
But it is so much harder now. How do I get 3 kids to soccer practice at 3 different fields, all within 15 minutes of each other?
Don't get me wrong...I LOVE all of my boys. I just don't know when I became a taxi driver instead of a mom.
I am kind of excited for school. Only in that it seems like we are better at schedules during the school year. Things aren't quite so all over the place. Though we will have 3 boys on 3 soccer teams in 3 different schools.  Guess I will be depending more and more on my color coded calendar!

Toyota

What a strange summer it has been!
1. The weather is crummy. I am actually wearing jeans and long sleeves today.
2. We went to eastern WA and it was only nice one day. But we weren't at home.  We were with friends. More friends this year than we have had at camp before.
3. We got to see the Sounders get trounced by Manchester United. Keegan was in true heaven. He got to see his favorite player in person. He got to watch Wayne Rooney score a hat trick live and in person. I got to watch my son grin for an hour without stopping. Grinning like a kid in a candy store.
4. Then the car debacle. We call it a car incident instead of a car accident. We weren't hit by anyone.  I didn't run into anything. It just happened. The side curtain airbags exploded. For no reason. Except that I think Toyota knew that they could possible explode. There is a glitch in the computer system. They have a recall. They just hadn't gotten to us yet. Hmmm. It's been a scary adventure. I am not sure that I want my car back. Even fixed. I can't imagine getting back into it. I am having enough trouble getting into the rental cars. I am driving like a little old lady. Cautious everywhere I go. Even though I didn't hit anything. Nothing hit me. Just a loud, scary (painful, for me) boom and eruption.
5. Between the game and the car exploding Jeff lost his cell phone. Just keeps getting better doesn't it? Then when he called our carrier they didn't have him listed as the primary! He has been the primary for nearly 10 years. I had to have his permission to make any changes or get my own phone!

Next Monday is a new month. It is the last full month of the summer and the month with 2 of my boys' birthdays. It is a chance to start over. It is a chance for a better month. My fingers are crossed. My hopes are high....now to just get through the last 5 days of this nutso, crazy, scary month.

cleaning

Two rooms down...one to go! and that last one? totally makes me afraid.

Jack's room...

totally gives me the shivers.

i can't even find the floor. i have piles of clothes that fit/don't fit/need to be stored from his big brothers.

toys

toys

toys

and stuff.

that kid collects more stuff.

I helped with Keegan and Konley's today. We could finish it all up in about 2 hours. 2 rooms in 2 hours and 4 bags of clothes to be given away and one to keep for jack. phew.

but then there's Jack's.....

he's going to have to wait till I am no longer scared to walk into it.

what to do? what to do?

So, now that school is done we are wondering what to do, what to do? Without sunshine it is kind of a bummer. We are planning birthdays and cleaning rooms. But we haven't really gotten so far as to clean rooms. Just planning birthdays.

We have an alternate plan this summer. We are giving the older boys a "birthday allowance". They are being given an allotted amount of money to plan their own party. They can spend it on a party or they can save it and have no party. But they are in charge. They have to figure out the prices, the invites, the everything. It's going to be great. I usually spend all summer planning parties. Since everyone gets a kid party and everyone gets a family dinner. That makes for 6, count 'em 6!, summer birthday parties. That's ALOT of cake making, party planning, present buying, and chaos corralling. I will still plan Jack's. Can't really expect my 6, nearly 7 year old, to plan his own party, but soon....very soon. He is writing his invite list as we speak.

Summer

IT IS SUMMER! not that you would know it by the weather around here...but I am no longer telling 650 kids to finish their burger, eat your yogurt or your cheese, no you may not have seconds, yes you CAN get more ketchup (even if you just ate more ketchup than burger)!

It is just me and the boys (and Jeff when he gets home at night). I have never really looked forward to school being done....what will we do now without a structure? is what used to come to mind. Now?.........who cares? Let's go play.

We have things planned...soccer tournaments, family reunions, camping, more soccer, a wedding (we are kinda passed that stage in most friends life..one or two a summer), and hoping for sunshine. I am ready. I am hoping to start losing some of this "broken-leg-weight". I am ready... here we go.

haircut

I wasn't really driving down the road. We were waiting in the parking lot to pick up somebody... of course.

tho you need to tell me that I don't look like Farrah Fawcett, that's what I got from someone in the office today. I was kinda horrified! But I didn't let it do anything to my mood for the day. YAY!

Nearly here!

So, the way my last post went was totally typical for the day. I posted it. I ranted about the day I was having. I hit publish and lo and behold my computer said, "nope!" "see ya!" Phew! It's been nearly a month and it is better.

Yesterday I want into Regis Salon and said uncurl it and cut it off. I saw the movie Tangled a few weeks ago and when he cut off her hair in the end to save her I said, "that's it!" It's been on my mind for weeks. Did I dare? I haven't cut it above my shoulders in years. What to do with all the curls? As i cut it shorter it gets curlier. Can't have that. Not in my vision. So....they have a thing called anti-curl. Not quite as chemically hard on your hair as a relaxer and still leaves a bit of curl unlike straightening. And no where near as expensive. Can't imagine $600 to straighten it and it still grows in curly!

When she started cutting she even asked if I was breathing....nope, not really, but I will soon.

I LOVE IT!

I don't know how many times I said, "thank you" today to staff and students that said that they liked my hair. It is the beginning of the end of the school year and I wanted to kick it off right. Phew!

One of Those days! (Take two)

If that doesn't just sum it all up in a nutshell. Try to write it out the first time and I mess it up. Just one of those days. I am so tired of the rain. I am having one of those days where I would just like to curl up in a ball on the couch with my pillow and blankie and ignore the world. Not go to school. Not go to baseball. Not go to a meeting. Not answer the phone. Watch the 3 netflix movies that have been sitting there for 2 weeks. Not do anything.

One of those days where you feel like if you talk to anyone you might just break down crying. Not a really good feature in someone about to deal with 650 elementary kids.

I thought maybe it would help to write it. not really.

I am tired of the rain and today, I am tired of me.

one of THOSE days!

Disneyland

So we surprised the boys and took them to Disneyland for spring break! We had so much fun! It was a week full of not saying, "no". "Can we do this?" "yep" "Can we do this?" "Yep". The whole week was like that. We went on every ride, saw every show, did everything that the boys wanted. We rode every roller coaster, shot Zurg about a thousand times, ate every snack, waited for the submarine, turned corners in Indiana Jones, and just laughed. We got up early, and stayed up late. We never played video games, dad checked baseball scores for about 20 minutes one night, and we never watched regular tv. We got to hang out with friends who were down there at the same time. We had fun. Fun like we have not had in a long time. I can't actually count how many times Konley said, "Thank you". Even though he spent 2 days with a terrible cold, that caused him to lay down on the ground whenever we were waiting in line to nap. Poor boy!

The boys and I were waiting to go from Disneyland to CA Adventure. They have a great new sign out front.

I love when people will offer to take your picture so everyone can be in it! We were waiting for THunder Mountain Railroad. The first day we waited about 15 minutes. Then next day it was down and we thought we would wait for 15 minutes and see if the ride was fixed. We waited then we were discussing whether to stay or go and it opened! The next morning it was down again and we thought we wouldn't tempt fate twice and as we walked away they opened it! Two days in a row we were the 2nd family in line. It became our favorite...after CA Screamin' anyway!

Guilt

I wish that there was a pill for guilt. I think in a past life (not that i believe in past lives) I must have been a Catholic. Saying , "no" to anyone nearly sends me round the bend. But it all is getting to be too much.

I said no to PTA next year. I know that it is a good organization, yada yada. I started out great guns. Then one thing lead to another. Board members started dropping like flies. I procrastinated cuz I just wasn't feeling it.

Then I sent out a letter to my current board saying I just didn't have it in me to fight for another year. Our PTA is seriously struggling. Which makes it so much harder. But no one really had anything to say. Only one person even acknowledged that I wrote a letter. At least an acknowledgement would have been ok.

So why do I feel guilty for giving up something that no one really cares whether I am there or not?

removing hats

So I have part of it figured out. How can I possibly be good at everything I do when I have way too much to do? I wear too many hats. Too many to possibly do any of them well. It's part of my desire to hide under the covers every morning and pretend that I don't have to start my day.

Last night I talked to Jeff and made the decision to not be the PTA president next year. I can't do it all. Maybe if I remove that hat I can find room for the other, more important hats. Especially the mom-hat. That hat is the one that is suffering the most. The me-hat is a bit non-existent. Ever since breaking my leg I don't go play soccer (obviously), but it was mine. I was running. I was hanging out with people that I genuinely enjoy being around. I am still not running. I am just walking, which definitely means no soccer. Which means that time gets filled in with other things. Not necessarily mom-things....just things.

Things like baseball. Baseball season starts and we are crazy. Konley has practice 5 days a week, Jack has it 3 times a week, Keegan has soccer twice with 2 games this weekend. I am also taking a class for my job every Monday this month and last night I ran a PTA meeting, that only 5 of us attended.

Too many hats. Too much on my plate. If I have less on my plate, can I do more of what is left? That is the question...guess I'll have to find out.

hmm

I find myself in a weird place right now. I have no motivation. To do anything. I don't know where my get-up-and-go went but I would like it back. I have things to do. Things that need to be done. I don't really care. Actually I do care, I just..............I don't know. I feel like everytime I get it done, I gotta do it over again. Breaking my leg hasn't been good for me. I hated doing nothing, but got used to it not being done. I look around and our house and I am so overwhelmed that I don't even know where to start.
Maybe I will just start with making dinner................

money

I just finished paying the bills. There are a few upsides to working. Not only am I making a little money to add to the household...I don't spend anywhere near the money that I use to. Of course, I don't actually have any time to go shopping.
I miss shopping. Mostly I miss hanging out with girlfriends while shopping. I didn't really need anything but girl time. Now I need to find another way to get that girl time. Hmmmm

Any ideas?

jobs...

I am finally earning a little respect for the 3 day weekend, again. I am usually home every day so it used to just mean that the boys had an extra day home with me. Now it means I have an extra day at home. To do nothing, or to do everything. Either one. I can choose. Which is way better than getting up and going to work that I am not so sure about.

I am expected to follow along the same lines as everyone around the school. This I get. What I don't get is HOW?!? At one point I have 130+ kids in the cafeteria. They are loud. They can be disrespectful and they can try my patience.

This is not what I want to be when I grow up.

I am trying out different solutions. But the solutions all have to fit within the confines of the structure that the staff has set up. Get that! Just don't get HOW!

So.........I am appreciating my 3 day weekend. I am appreciating my 3 boys. I am appreciating the fact that I do not have to constantly remind them to use their manners, not to smear ketchup across the table, to pick up what they have dropped, and not to use their friends as punching bags (physically and emotionally).

We have know these two girls since before Sarah (the youngest) was born. Haley & Keegan were just 2 years old, and now they are 13.

We love just hanging out. They are the kids that you can be totally goofy with and it's not embarrassing. They are just as goofy, if not maybe more.

Haley wanted to get the camera out and recreate a picture we have of her and Keegan from when they were about 6 or 7. I wish i could load that picture, but I don't even think it was digital at the time!

Well, we are off to shop...Konley needs clothes for his concert this week!

Chell

New Year....new ???

I am not one for New Year's resolutions. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that as soon as i think I can't have something I want it even more. So, I am going the other way. Not necessarily things that I can't have, but maybe things that I would like to be better at.

Exercise:
Yep, can't even touch this one. After being on crutches for over 7 weeks I am still the household "hop-a-long" and I just can't even begin to think of running around. I am just ecstatic at the thought of being able to walk up the stairs!

Blog:
Boy, have I been terrible. Sometimes I feel like there is something that I want to say, but not really sure how it would go over, so I don't say anything. Maybe I should also start a computer diary that is password protected so I can't still get it out. Hmmmm. But, I would like to try harder at adding to this blog.

Listening:
I am trying to figure out at what point in my life I went from being the one that listened to the one that won't stop talking. I hate this about myself. I can even hear myself inside my head yelling at my mouth to stop. I have even had a lady at work tell me that I talk too much! Gonna really try and work on this one, so if I have talked your ear off....give me the look, I will get it.

My boys:
Our boys have gotten to the age where they are so very independent. But I have been internally arguing with myself about that. Not about letting them be independent, but about remembering that as they get older they still need time with me/us. That just because they CAN be independent doesn't mean that they SHOULD be.

Myself:
I will remember that God made me first. He didn't make me a wife, mother, friend, or para first. He made me. So I have to remember that I need to take time for me. I downloaded a Bible app to my IPod & I am going to try to read the daily verse. Really? How hard is that? How hard is praying for friends and family? Not just when they need it, but when they think that they don't. I will take time out. To read, to pray, to be me, to be a friend, to be a girl (in a world of boys), to just be.

May all of your new year's ideas take flight,
Chell