Friday, May 28, 2010

again?!?

What happens to your body when you trun 40? Really?!?! Sick? Again? OY! I was sick in February or so. Turn 40? Get it again. I go to Ca and try to sit on the beach....but it was cold. So we went to Grandma & Grandpa's and sat by the pool. 98 degrees and sunny. Don't you think that it would soak this crud right out of me? I did.

We came home. life went back to normal. I still have a stinkin' cough/cold. Jeff went away with friends this last weekend and my life went from crummy to down right scary. Middle of the night headache? What the heck? After the second night of laying on the bathroom floor (after praying to the porcelain god) wondering if i should call 911 cuz my head is going to split out my skull, mom took me to the doctor. Turns out my headache? not normal. Migraine. For 2 days. This warrants shots. One for the migraine, one for the nausea. The nurse comes in and tells me that these are going to hurt. Large needles, painful medicine. She is rather surprised that the pain in my head completely overcomes the pain of the shots or the medicine. Guess I had it bad.

But now I am back. I can lean over without splitting pain. If I sneeze or cough it doesn't make me cry in pain. I can't stand antibiotics, but believe you me I will be finishing them to make sure that every stinkin' little germ is killed and totally eliminated from my head!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

turning 40

So....anyone want to tell me how fair it is to plan and pay for a vacation to sunny Southern Ca and to get there and the weather is crappy? REally? How exactly does that work? And to top it all off? Yea...the weather here was great! Keegan has a great tan after this weekend? OY!

We headed down to Ca for my 40th bday. I have issues with birthdays that end in 0. I have kinda been a mess for the last few months. I know that I am not old, but........40 kinda sounds old. So i wanted to be go to Ca and sit on the beach, drinking whatever, reading a book and being in charge of nothing. Nope! Was not to be! The weather never hit over 70. which would have been ok if it had just been sunny, but nope! It was cold and cloudy and windy. Ugh!

I changed my tactic when it came to Mother's Day. I have always wanted it to be just about me. All about me. I am not in charge. Go ask your dad. Why can't you just do this for me? This year? I did for everyone else. There was no breakfast in bed, we had to sit through soccer tryouts, i did the dishes at grandma's. But you know what? It was great! I changed my attitude and it all became about me. About me choosing to be happy instead of crabby. So i thought that I would apply the same attitude towards my bday. Don't get me wrong. it was still my day. I still requested crab for dinner (HUGE KING CRAB legs for dinner! YUM!). We wandered the beach. We had a couples massage in the morning. We spent the day with my sister, Megan and our friend Jen. We went for a drive along the coast. There were no presents. (Jeff gave me an IPod touch before we left as he was afraid of going thru security with it, or it being stolen out of our suitcase.) There was no fanfare. I always expect too much, so having a day where I was expecting nothing, gave me so much more.

I am trying that. I am trying to expect nothing from anyone else but to expect more from myself. Isn't it better to make someone else smile than to expect them to make me smile?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Some things take longer for me than others. I feel like I have to watch what I say. But I am kind of tired of that. Not that I have anything profound. How can you be profound when you can't even fold your socks from last weeks laundry? (I did find out my 12 year old has been rotating 2 pairs of socks cuz he couldn't find any clean ones! Not that he asked me where they might be....which was clean in the basket in my room.)

We are leaving in 2 days. I am turning 40 in 3. It's been a rough couple of months. Turning 40 has truly put me in a bad funk. Unfortunately for Jeff, that bad funk only shows up at home. It is SOOOO hard to always put on that happy face for everyone at pre-school, and school, and baseball and soccer, but.....

So we are leaving. With no plans. We have a hotel. We have a ride to get there. we are on the beach. That's as far as we have gotten. This will not be one of those GO! GO! GO! kind of trips. We do that in our everyday lives so much more than I would like. This will be....how many different books can I finish in a weekend? Will there be enough hammocks for all of us? Anybody hungry yet? Nope? ok. There will be no "mommy....mommy....mommy" It will just be me. And Jeff. And some friends who can make the trip. A book. A beach. And probably a few daquiris. I so need this.