not being so scared

I think I need to find a way to not be so scared of my friends. 

I am always afraid to call.

Afraid that I might interfere. 

Afraid that they will say no.

So afraid of the rejection. 

Unfortunately that is always a part of me. Has been since I was a little girl. People seem to leave me more than I understand. 

Maybe I make it too easy. 

But I don't know how to do it any differently.

And that? I hate.

Things I have learned

There are many different things that I keep re-learning this time of year. 

1. I miss alot of my family. I miss that my sister is 4 states/2 days away. I miss that her and my little/big brother weren't around for breakfast or dinner or games of backgammon or Call of Duty with the boys. I am learning that I need to figure out a way to make this not so hard every year. But, I don't really want to (that's the stubborn big sister in me.)

2. I am learning who my real friends are. Friends that will laugh, cry, chat til 3 am, call me "just cuz", and send goofy texts just to tell me that they are thinking of me. 

3. I am learning that I am stronger than I thought I was. I tend to hide in the corner. Don't want to be the first person to make contact because I might "interrupt" what someone is doing. But don't I just love it when someone calls out of the blue?

4. I have learned that being a daughter, a grown-up daughter, isn't always that easy. Sometimes I have to be the grown-up. Sometimes I have to say "I am sorry". Sometimes I have to say it just to make peace even if I wasn't in the wrong. 

5. I am learning that we have done a pretty good job so far with our boys. Yes they are slobs. Yes they are not perfect (Only one ever has been and I definitely didn't raise Him, just believe in Him.). But they are good. They are polite, grateful, fun, smart, kind and good. And I love all 3 of them with all of my heart. 

6. I have learned that creativity is my outlet. I love to create. It doesn't really matter what it is. I found it rather funny that the big thing I wanted for Christmas was a new sewing machine. The kids at school thought that was like asking for a vacuum or something. Not to me. It's my escape. If you have ever been a recipient of one of my crafty moments I hope that you get as much love out of it as I have put into it.

7. I have also learned that I need to listen more, complain less, love bigger and share more. Remind myself that it is not all about me. That only God knows the plans He has for me and I just need to believe and trust in Him and all these other things that I have learned? They will follow along as they are supposed to. 

December 2012

It's been since July. It's not that nothing has happened. It's just that our life in the fall is 6 days a week of soccer with many weekends and nights overlapping. I spend alot of time in the car. Alot.

I can't even post you pictures of soccer since we have a new computer and it has not yet been contaminated with the hundreds of pictures that I take. Thank God for digital.

So, soccer has slowed down and we are on to Christmas. We spent the weekend covering so much with garland and lights and ornaments and decorations and any other Christmas thing you can imagine. Except for lights on the house. Living in WA can make getting lights on your third story roof a bit dangerous. This weekend was wet and windy. Definitely not prime time for asking hubby to please climb up on the wet and slippery slope because I want the house to look pretty. Maybe I will this weekend.

Maybe I also haven't had a lot to say cuz we have nothing exciting and big. Maybe if I could get used to blogging the little things on a more consistent basis it would be easier. Maybe that should be my New Year's resolution. Last years worked out....no more injuries that result in PT. Too bad I have been doing the same PT for the last 18 months....but nothing new. I think I might try that one again!

July 2012

Holy Cannoli's! What a month!

We waited forever for school to get out. It was nearly July by the time we got out of school but we had plans!

My little sister was marrying her love, Dusty!

We drove to Colorado (which took 2 days). We spent all week doing wedding "stuffs". Well, sister and I did wedding stuffs. The boys? They went fishing, they went swimming, they played, they totally played. 

Wednesday we had a free day so we grabbed Megs and went to Estes Park CO. The best driving road EVER! Through the mountains back and forth with a sign that was a S on it's side! Thank Goodness Jeff was driving since i am still driving one-handed and I don't think I could have driven that road....but it would have been a blast! Estes Park is alot like Leavenworth, lots of little shops and restaurants. The biggest difference is  it has an elevation of over 7,000 feet! There is even a tram that you can take up to the top of the mountain behind the town. We didn't take it, but went putt-putting instead. It was sunny, it was cloudy, the wind came up, the thunder and lightning was in the distance and the rain came down lightly. Not the best time to have a metal putter in your hands, but.... we were on vacation.

Thursday Konley turned 13. We now have 2 teenagers. He was afraid we weren't going to do anything. Boy! Was he wrong! There is an amusement/waterpark in the middle of downtown Denver. We packed everybody up, took the day off from wedding stuff and went to ride the rides. It was a great day!

We rode the log ride and got SOAKED! (Twice) We rode the skateboard half-pipe. We laughed our way through the mind-eraser rollercoaster. This roller coaster had the wheels above your head so you were sitting in the a "floating" seat. When it cork-screwed your feet flew out the sides and over your head out into nothing! I could barely breathe by the time we stopped, total exhilaration!

Friday was the rehearsal dinner.

Saturday my little sister took her love's last name. It was an amazing, beautiful, tear-filled day. The weather co-operated. The wedding party co-operated. The day went off without a hitch. I love that girl and I am so glad that she found someone that makes her happy. The best thing? We love Dusty too. He loves our boys, hangs out with us without any weirdness. He loves to fish and took the boys out to share his local lakes. I miss them both so much already.

I am putting fare-watcher on my computer so I can "pop" down every once in a while.

Now we are home. Dealing with the aftermath of the drive. Jeff ended up with 2 blood clots in his leg from sitting so long. They say it could take up to 6 months to totally wrap up the treatments. I am handling it better than when we first found out. He is doing a tremendous job of following his instructions to the T. For a man who hates pills he understands the enormity of it all.

Now we are just getting ready for birthday #2 and all that August brings. 

months later...

It's hard to explain what the last few months have been like. I am pretty tired of whining so...

My boys had whooping cough. Yep, we are a statistic!

Then spring break, over which my boys had to heal (and cough).

Then YAY my sister came into town and I got to throw her a wedding shower! It was so much fun! I miss her terribly and I was so glad to be able to do this for her.

My sister and I . Boy! Am I going to need to lose a bit of weight and try to keep my eyes open when I smile! Oy!

There were alot of friends and family

 that came to celebrate!

Let's see.....
I had surgery. Shoulder surgery. left over crap from the Toyota incident. Turns out my bicep tore away from my labrum, which wraps around your shoulder bone. Took them 9 months to figure it out, but at least we are on the right track. Hence the absolutely no blogging.
Do you know how hard it is to type with one hand? or button your pants? do your bra? do your HAIR? This I am still struggling with and it is driving me crazy. I can't lift my arm up high enough to actually reach my HAIR! I am figuring out how vain I am about my hair, and I am not really learning to be better with it. Just counting down the days until I can really do anything with it myself. In th meantime Jeff is learning to put in a basic ponytail so I can sleep at night. I am learning to do things again and slowly. I have to lift my arm up to my computer to type, I can't open jars or doors or carry my purse with my left hand. But I am still grateful to God that eventuallyI will be able to do these things and it is not permanent.

THen there was my birthday. Yep somehow I turned 42. 42? really? how did that happen? I don't feel 42.
I am patiently counting down the days til the end of school and our trip to Colorado. We are driving with the boys, as airfare is through the roof. Wish us luck, it's 20 hours and I think we are going to need it!

I will get better as I get faster. I am on the computer more often now so I will try to keep up!
Enjoy your weekend!

whooping cough

When I said my boys were sick I guess that was an understatement.

It is so hard to sit by and watch your 14 year old choke and not be able to breathe because he is coughing so hard.

It is strange to have to report to the Snohomish Health district because he somehow contracted Whooping cough.

And yes....to all of you who have asked, with the "hairy eyeball", all of my boys have been vaccinated. with everything. just when they recommend it. I may need a tetanus booster but my boys? yep they are right on schedule and will be while they are under my care.

Whooping cough? yep it is a quarantine situation. Keegan did not leave the house from last friday until this Saturday. He barely left the couch. He wasn't even sure where his shoes were. He only left last friday to go to the doctor and the pharmacy. He hasn't been to school since tuesday the 20th. And now we are on spring break.

He stepped on the scale and lost over 8 pounds. I  could easily lose 8 pounds.....him not so much at all. I don't actually know where it came from. His face is so gaunt it looked scary yesterday. He doesn't even weigh close to 100 pounds anymore. He is 5'7" and is 14. Gonna have to make him pasta for breakfast every day.

It is so hard to sit by and watch. They say that whooping cough is no londer contagious once you aer finished with your antibiotics, (which we all had to take as a precaution) but you can cough up to 4-6 weeks. Four to six weeks! That is crazy!

catch up

All of the males in my house are sick. Not just down and out...but nasty coughing, fearful they are going to hack up a lung sick. They have made it to school, but it sure has slowed things down around here.

Keegan was supposed to have a game tonight, but he is home hanging out. Jack is now so hoarse he has to re-start sentences a couple of times before he can get them out. Konley just coughs so hard I walk downstairs to make sure he is breathing.

But to tell you the truth this is nothing. Keegan's asthma is nothing. A friend of our had a baby, at just 26 weeks last night. I read the text from her this morning and I immediately started to cry. They tried for so long to get pregnant and they have been to the hospital once already. They said everything was ok, but obviously this time around they weren't.

I know, and have always known, that there is God. He listens to our prayers. He listens to your needs and desires and He still does all things in His time. I just continue to pray to him that they let this beautiful baby girl grow up to be as strong and healthy as her parents.

May you all hug and kiss those that you love just a little bit harder tonight and remember that all of our stresses can only be answered by One, and that there are many things that are so much worse than some of our worse days. I am grateful for coughing children that may just need a little extra time, love , and Robitussin!

Can't fix it

There are days when I just can't fix it for them. Days when things aren't going their way and I can't fix it. There are days when I know that letting my boys work through their "stuff" will help them so much more than doing it for them. But it is so hard not to do it for them.

Keegan has a new coach and a new team. He is still playing with his club team and they have a new coach. Something that was a complete surprise. And the new coach? Total 180 from the original coach. Not necessarily 180 in the right direction. There is no encouragement, the other was all about encouragement. New coach sits through the whole game barely speaking; old coach walked the sidelines talking and encouraging the whole time. I think there where times he lost his voice at the end of each weekend. New coach has great technical skills and zero people skills. People skills are so important to 14 year olds. They need to hear that they have done well. They need to hear what they have done wrong in a non-critical voice. They are sponges so ready to learn. Keegan put it the best: he is a great trainer, but a terrible coach. Never really thought about it that way, but it makes complete sense.

To top it off he is also playing high school soccer. This week was 6 days, making school alone 12 hours plus the 3.5 for club ball. New coach. New kids. New everything. Exhaustion and Frustration.

Wish I could fix it. Wish I could make it better. Know that he is going to have to work this out on his own.

Soccer family, not a baseball family

Sorry it's been so long.

I sometimes don't know what to say or do with myself.

Life here is crazy, as I am sure everyone else's is.

Usually we are in the middle of baseball season. Nobody wanted

to play this year. Part of me is so very grateful. Baseball season is so

overwhelming!

Six days a week. Nearly 4 hours a night some nights with 2 playing.

Not this year!

No bleacher butt.

No snow coat.

No 10 pm nights still under the lights.

Except.

Except soccer never ends.

Never.

Keegan has been playing club ball for 4 years or so. They play year round.

Nearly every weekend.

Practice 2-3 nights a week.

Plus..

Add in high school soccer.

Yay! He made JV for Cascade High.

So...

Back to 6 days a week.

Bleacher butt.

Snow coat.

10 pm nights under the lights.

That's ok. Our family loves soccer.

Good thing, cuz Jack starts in 3 weeks and Konley wants to try out for select too!

Meg's wedding

My little sister is getting married this summer and I am so excited! Unfortunately, we are a few states apart. Thank you God for the internet and instand messaging, and facebook and Pinterest. Oh and Ebay. We have spent the last couple of days looking at flowers for bouquets. Without the internet we wouldn't have been able to do this together so much. I found some different ideas through Google, pinned them to Meg's wedding board on Pinterest and she checks them out from her end. If I can't be hand-in-hand with her this is the second best thing. We found a beautiful flower and it took me a while but I searched and found that it is Plumeria, they use them to make leis. They are beautiful as a wedding bouquet. Also found lemons in vases wrapped in ribbon as centerpieces. So much more fun than when we got married and you had to thumb through every book and idea that they had.

We are already planning our trip in July. We have been on Mapquest more than ever. Mapping out routes. Proving to the boys that the Grand Canyon is way too far out of the way. Figuring out if Jeff will fly back home to go back to work so as not to take more than the week off.

Weddings bring out the best (and the worst, for some) of people. Right now I am full of smiles and happiness for this beautiful girl who is now a woman who is looking forward to a very happy day!

We have friends and neighbors that we have known since Keegan and Karli (above in blue, top in blue hat) were in kindergarten. (actually we met them before that, but that is when things really took off). Keegan and Karli are just 3 months apart, Konley and Megan are 1 year and 5 days apart. The week that we had Snowmaggedon we spent the week with these girls and their mom, Karen. Their dad was out of town and Jeff was working so we could play outside, scrapbook, and do dinner all together. I know that there are so many people that couldn't wait for the kids to go back to school, I on the other hand, was reminded of what life was like when it was just us and I was staying home with the boys. We played all week. I went outside and sledded down the hill with them. We got sick of being at home and went out for lunch and to the grocery store. Our lives have all gotten very busy. When the kids were little we could hang out all the time, now we have soccer and gymnastics, high schoolers and middle schoolers and elementary schooler and we are crazy. It was great to take a week out and just hang out again.....my favorite part of the snow.

busy December 2011

 Every year we have a skating party put on by Jeff's company. They have a great Santa and a present for each child. THe older boys got apples to apples and uno, both travel sized. Jack got some kind of Transformer (I think). Notice we have 4 boys in our picture, not just 3. Keegan's best friend Jake is so frequent at our house that this is the second year he has gone with us and been in our Santa picture. One year we took Jeff took him, Konley and Jack, Keegan and I stayed home sick as dogs. It's great to have friends that share their children so much that they seamlessly blend into our lives.

 We have a 2nd cousin with Down's Syndrome. Richie turned 50 this December. He wanted a big party with bowling. So, a big party with bowling it was...in Vegas....with over 50 people from all over. As my sister now lives in CO I take every opportunity I can to see her. This picture is me, Jeff, Grandma, Beau, Dusty (Meg's fiancee and the one making the face), Dianne, and Megs. The best thing that day? we all rarely left each others' side. If someone was out on the casino floor and not with the group a text or phone call came every few minutes..."where are you? we are on our way?" It was an amazing great day! It does remind me how much I miss having my sister around, and seeing my brother more often. I will have to see what I can do to fix that.

Me, Megs, Ashley, Grace, Kelse (cousins & all 3 sisters) and Tara (cousin)

Jeff & I...having a great trip together.

Having 2 weeks off for the holiday has been great. Jeff took the 4 days off to get 10 and we have just hung out, played Farkle on my Kindle Fire, gone to the movies, played with the boys, ate (ate some more, cooked and ate some more OY!) and watched movies. I don't really want to go back to reality, but.....