not being so scared

I think I need to find a way to not be so scared of my friends. 

I am always afraid to call.

Afraid that I might interfere. 

Afraid that they will say no.

So afraid of the rejection. 

Unfortunately that is always a part of me. Has been since I was a little girl. People seem to leave me more than I understand. 

Maybe I make it too easy. 

But I don't know how to do it any differently.

And that? I hate.

Things I have learned

There are many different things that I keep re-learning this time of year. 

1. I miss alot of my family. I miss that my sister is 4 states/2 days away. I miss that her and my little/big brother weren't around for breakfast or dinner or games of backgammon or Call of Duty with the boys. I am learning that I need to figure out a way to make this not so hard every year. But, I don't really want to (that's the stubborn big sister in me.)

2. I am learning who my real friends are. Friends that will laugh, cry, chat til 3 am, call me "just cuz", and send goofy texts just to tell me that they are thinking of me. 

3. I am learning that I am stronger than I thought I was. I tend to hide in the corner. Don't want to be the first person to make contact because I might "interrupt" what someone is doing. But don't I just love it when someone calls out of the blue?

4. I have learned that being a daughter, a grown-up daughter, isn't always that easy. Sometimes I have to be the grown-up. Sometimes I have to say "I am sorry". Sometimes I have to say it just to make peace even if I wasn't in the wrong. 

5. I am learning that we have done a pretty good job so far with our boys. Yes they are slobs. Yes they are not perfect (Only one ever has been and I definitely didn't raise Him, just believe in Him.). But they are good. They are polite, grateful, fun, smart, kind and good. And I love all 3 of them with all of my heart. 

6. I have learned that creativity is my outlet. I love to create. It doesn't really matter what it is. I found it rather funny that the big thing I wanted for Christmas was a new sewing machine. The kids at school thought that was like asking for a vacuum or something. Not to me. It's my escape. If you have ever been a recipient of one of my crafty moments I hope that you get as much love out of it as I have put into it.

7. I have also learned that I need to listen more, complain less, love bigger and share more. Remind myself that it is not all about me. That only God knows the plans He has for me and I just need to believe and trust in Him and all these other things that I have learned? They will follow along as they are supposed to. 

December 2012

It's been since July. It's not that nothing has happened. It's just that our life in the fall is 6 days a week of soccer with many weekends and nights overlapping. I spend alot of time in the car. Alot.

I can't even post you pictures of soccer since we have a new computer and it has not yet been contaminated with the hundreds of pictures that I take. Thank God for digital.

So, soccer has slowed down and we are on to Christmas. We spent the weekend covering so much with garland and lights and ornaments and decorations and any other Christmas thing you can imagine. Except for lights on the house. Living in WA can make getting lights on your third story roof a bit dangerous. This weekend was wet and windy. Definitely not prime time for asking hubby to please climb up on the wet and slippery slope because I want the house to look pretty. Maybe I will this weekend.

Maybe I also haven't had a lot to say cuz we have nothing exciting and big. Maybe if I could get used to blogging the little things on a more consistent basis it would be easier. Maybe that should be my New Year's resolution. Last years worked out....no more injuries that result in PT. Too bad I have been doing the same PT for the last 18 months....but nothing new. I think I might try that one again!