ugh!

Ever since I knew that I really should go back to work I have wanted to work at school. I worked a little while in the preschool last year, but I really wanted more time. Now that I am working at Jack's school I am wondering what I was thinking.
I know that i can do this. But sometimes I wonder how I am supposed to get anything done when I feel like I am being undermined every time I turn around. Oy! How am I supposed to establish my set of rules and expectations if someone else keeps changing them? I literally had to choke back the tears this morning after 3 different lunches! It was all I could do not to quit after my 3 permanent day. Not a good way to start....
After lunch I go work with a little boy who is learning to read. As he was reading Dr. Seuss I just watched him and was so thankful (in my head) that I got the opportunity to sit with him and actually make some kind of difference. He is working so hard and it is so good to watch him improve everyday. This is what I want to do when I grow up. This is what I want to be. This is my goal. It may take me a while to get more than just 1/2 each day, but I will get there.
In the meantime my girlfriend helped me with a bit of (Christmas) retail therapy. Then my other girlfriend sent me a random, out-of-the-blue goody package. It was silly. It nearly made me cry with happiness. My kids and my husband decorated both of our Christmas trees while I watched from the couch with my foot up.
We are watching Mickey's Christmas and I am ok for now. I am grateful for so many other things and I will keep reminding myself of that everytime I think that I just can't do this job anymore.