School starts

how strange this year is beginning.

It is raining and it is August.

You can already feel fall in the air, but it feels like summer never actually started.

I feel as if I spent the whole summer planning and throwing birthday parties. It is getting a bit much. Overwhelming really.

so school starts next week. I have 2 in middle school and now Jack is all day. I truly figured that I would have some kind of job to fill those 5 days a week, 6 hours a day. I don't. And the days are looming.

I know that i will volunteer. I know that i will find things to fill my days. But today? it feels overwhelming. That's alot of time to kill/fill. Thirteen years ago I quit my job and became a stay-at-home-mom. (Well it took another 20 days to actually be the mom, but you know what i mean.) A whole new phase is starting and I don't really know how I feel about it.

I know that i will figure it out. I know that I will fill my days. But today? Today I will just wonder and hope and pray that I will know what to do with my days come next Wednesday. I think I will start with getting Jack to his brand new classroom and then heading out for first day of school breakfast as has been the custom for 8 years. After that? who knows?

nervous

A long time ago Jeff told me he wanted me to get a job when Jack was in school full-time. AAACK! REally? Haven't had a job in 13 years. Now? I really want this one. It would be perfect. It's 6 hours a day. I could still volunteer in Jack's class at the end of the day. I could be home just after the boys get home. I wouldn't have to find daycare. I could still watch Megan in the morning so that Karen can work.

I turned in my application. I let our principal know that I was applying. I have recs from some great people in our school. Now I just have to wait. Jeff says not to get myhopes up. Rationally... I know that. But when does life react rationally?

Our school attendance secretary has decided to retire. A part of me REALLY wants her job. It would fit me perfectly! We could really use the extra money. It wouldn't affect any of Jack's time out of school.
Part of me?.....is scared to death!

Finishing the application tomorrow...will keep you posted!

today

Today I don't really feel like being me. I look around at the mess that is my house and wonder why the cleaning fairy didn't show up this week. (Maybe I just don't pay her enough.) I have yet another birthday party to throw this weekend. Don't get me wrong. I love my boys but I get rather tired of spending all summer planning, buying, organizing and cleaning for nearly 6 parties. Cuz each has a kid and each has a family party. This year we combined Keegan and Jack's family parties, but still.

Just don't feel like being me today. Maybe I will feel better about me tomorrow.