not being so scared

I think I need to find a way to not be so scared of my friends. 

I am always afraid to call.

Afraid that I might interfere. 

Afraid that they will say no.

So afraid of the rejection. 

Unfortunately that is always a part of me. Has been since I was a little girl. People seem to leave me more than I understand. 

Maybe I make it too easy. 

But I don't know how to do it any differently.

And that? I hate.

Things I have learned

There are many different things that I keep re-learning this time of year. 

1. I miss alot of my family. I miss that my sister is 4 states/2 days away. I miss that her and my little/big brother weren't around for breakfast or dinner or games of backgammon or Call of Duty with the boys. I am learning that I need to figure out a way to make this not so hard every year. But, I don't really want to (that's the stubborn big sister in me.)

2. I am learning who my real friends are. Friends that will laugh, cry, chat til 3 am, call me "just cuz", and send goofy texts just to tell me that they are thinking of me. 

3. I am learning that I am stronger than I thought I was. I tend to hide in the corner. Don't want to be the first person to make contact because I might "interrupt" what someone is doing. But don't I just love it when someone calls out of the blue?

4. I have learned that being a daughter, a grown-up daughter, isn't always that easy. Sometimes I have to be the grown-up. Sometimes I have to say "I am sorry". Sometimes I have to say it just to make peace even if I wasn't in the wrong. 

5. I am learning that we have done a pretty good job so far with our boys. Yes they are slobs. Yes they are not perfect (Only one ever has been and I definitely didn't raise Him, just believe in Him.). But they are good. They are polite, grateful, fun, smart, kind and good. And I love all 3 of them with all of my heart. 

6. I have learned that creativity is my outlet. I love to create. It doesn't really matter what it is. I found it rather funny that the big thing I wanted for Christmas was a new sewing machine. The kids at school thought that was like asking for a vacuum or something. Not to me. It's my escape. If you have ever been a recipient of one of my crafty moments I hope that you get as much love out of it as I have put into it.

7. I have also learned that I need to listen more, complain less, love bigger and share more. Remind myself that it is not all about me. That only God knows the plans He has for me and I just need to believe and trust in Him and all these other things that I have learned? They will follow along as they are supposed to. 

December 2012

It's been since July. It's not that nothing has happened. It's just that our life in the fall is 6 days a week of soccer with many weekends and nights overlapping. I spend alot of time in the car. Alot.

I can't even post you pictures of soccer since we have a new computer and it has not yet been contaminated with the hundreds of pictures that I take. Thank God for digital.

So, soccer has slowed down and we are on to Christmas. We spent the weekend covering so much with garland and lights and ornaments and decorations and any other Christmas thing you can imagine. Except for lights on the house. Living in WA can make getting lights on your third story roof a bit dangerous. This weekend was wet and windy. Definitely not prime time for asking hubby to please climb up on the wet and slippery slope because I want the house to look pretty. Maybe I will this weekend.

Maybe I also haven't had a lot to say cuz we have nothing exciting and big. Maybe if I could get used to blogging the little things on a more consistent basis it would be easier. Maybe that should be my New Year's resolution. Last years worked out....no more injuries that result in PT. Too bad I have been doing the same PT for the last 18 months....but nothing new. I think I might try that one again!

July 2012

Holy Cannoli's! What a month!

We waited forever for school to get out. It was nearly July by the time we got out of school but we had plans!

My little sister was marrying her love, Dusty!

We drove to Colorado (which took 2 days). We spent all week doing wedding "stuffs". Well, sister and I did wedding stuffs. The boys? They went fishing, they went swimming, they played, they totally played. 

Wednesday we had a free day so we grabbed Megs and went to Estes Park CO. The best driving road EVER! Through the mountains back and forth with a sign that was a S on it's side! Thank Goodness Jeff was driving since i am still driving one-handed and I don't think I could have driven that road....but it would have been a blast! Estes Park is alot like Leavenworth, lots of little shops and restaurants. The biggest difference is  it has an elevation of over 7,000 feet! There is even a tram that you can take up to the top of the mountain behind the town. We didn't take it, but went putt-putting instead. It was sunny, it was cloudy, the wind came up, the thunder and lightning was in the distance and the rain came down lightly. Not the best time to have a metal putter in your hands, but.... we were on vacation.

Thursday Konley turned 13. We now have 2 teenagers. He was afraid we weren't going to do anything. Boy! Was he wrong! There is an amusement/waterpark in the middle of downtown Denver. We packed everybody up, took the day off from wedding stuff and went to ride the rides. It was a great day!

We rode the log ride and got SOAKED! (Twice) We rode the skateboard half-pipe. We laughed our way through the mind-eraser rollercoaster. This roller coaster had the wheels above your head so you were sitting in the a "floating" seat. When it cork-screwed your feet flew out the sides and over your head out into nothing! I could barely breathe by the time we stopped, total exhilaration!

Friday was the rehearsal dinner.

Saturday my little sister took her love's last name. It was an amazing, beautiful, tear-filled day. The weather co-operated. The wedding party co-operated. The day went off without a hitch. I love that girl and I am so glad that she found someone that makes her happy. The best thing? We love Dusty too. He loves our boys, hangs out with us without any weirdness. He loves to fish and took the boys out to share his local lakes. I miss them both so much already.

I am putting fare-watcher on my computer so I can "pop" down every once in a while.

Now we are home. Dealing with the aftermath of the drive. Jeff ended up with 2 blood clots in his leg from sitting so long. They say it could take up to 6 months to totally wrap up the treatments. I am handling it better than when we first found out. He is doing a tremendous job of following his instructions to the T. For a man who hates pills he understands the enormity of it all.

Now we are just getting ready for birthday #2 and all that August brings. 

months later...

It's hard to explain what the last few months have been like. I am pretty tired of whining so...

My boys had whooping cough. Yep, we are a statistic!

Then spring break, over which my boys had to heal (and cough).

Then YAY my sister came into town and I got to throw her a wedding shower! It was so much fun! I miss her terribly and I was so glad to be able to do this for her.

My sister and I . Boy! Am I going to need to lose a bit of weight and try to keep my eyes open when I smile! Oy!

There were alot of friends and family

 that came to celebrate!

Let's see.....
I had surgery. Shoulder surgery. left over crap from the Toyota incident. Turns out my bicep tore away from my labrum, which wraps around your shoulder bone. Took them 9 months to figure it out, but at least we are on the right track. Hence the absolutely no blogging.
Do you know how hard it is to type with one hand? or button your pants? do your bra? do your HAIR? This I am still struggling with and it is driving me crazy. I can't lift my arm up high enough to actually reach my HAIR! I am figuring out how vain I am about my hair, and I am not really learning to be better with it. Just counting down the days until I can really do anything with it myself. In th meantime Jeff is learning to put in a basic ponytail so I can sleep at night. I am learning to do things again and slowly. I have to lift my arm up to my computer to type, I can't open jars or doors or carry my purse with my left hand. But I am still grateful to God that eventuallyI will be able to do these things and it is not permanent.

THen there was my birthday. Yep somehow I turned 42. 42? really? how did that happen? I don't feel 42.
I am patiently counting down the days til the end of school and our trip to Colorado. We are driving with the boys, as airfare is through the roof. Wish us luck, it's 20 hours and I think we are going to need it!

I will get better as I get faster. I am on the computer more often now so I will try to keep up!
Enjoy your weekend!

whooping cough

When I said my boys were sick I guess that was an understatement.

It is so hard to sit by and watch your 14 year old choke and not be able to breathe because he is coughing so hard.

It is strange to have to report to the Snohomish Health district because he somehow contracted Whooping cough.

And yes....to all of you who have asked, with the "hairy eyeball", all of my boys have been vaccinated. with everything. just when they recommend it. I may need a tetanus booster but my boys? yep they are right on schedule and will be while they are under my care.

Whooping cough? yep it is a quarantine situation. Keegan did not leave the house from last friday until this Saturday. He barely left the couch. He wasn't even sure where his shoes were. He only left last friday to go to the doctor and the pharmacy. He hasn't been to school since tuesday the 20th. And now we are on spring break.

He stepped on the scale and lost over 8 pounds. I  could easily lose 8 pounds.....him not so much at all. I don't actually know where it came from. His face is so gaunt it looked scary yesterday. He doesn't even weigh close to 100 pounds anymore. He is 5'7" and is 14. Gonna have to make him pasta for breakfast every day.

It is so hard to sit by and watch. They say that whooping cough is no londer contagious once you aer finished with your antibiotics, (which we all had to take as a precaution) but you can cough up to 4-6 weeks. Four to six weeks! That is crazy!

catch up

All of the males in my house are sick. Not just down and out...but nasty coughing, fearful they are going to hack up a lung sick. They have made it to school, but it sure has slowed things down around here.

Keegan was supposed to have a game tonight, but he is home hanging out. Jack is now so hoarse he has to re-start sentences a couple of times before he can get them out. Konley just coughs so hard I walk downstairs to make sure he is breathing.

But to tell you the truth this is nothing. Keegan's asthma is nothing. A friend of our had a baby, at just 26 weeks last night. I read the text from her this morning and I immediately started to cry. They tried for so long to get pregnant and they have been to the hospital once already. They said everything was ok, but obviously this time around they weren't.

I know, and have always known, that there is God. He listens to our prayers. He listens to your needs and desires and He still does all things in His time. I just continue to pray to him that they let this beautiful baby girl grow up to be as strong and healthy as her parents.

May you all hug and kiss those that you love just a little bit harder tonight and remember that all of our stresses can only be answered by One, and that there are many things that are so much worse than some of our worse days. I am grateful for coughing children that may just need a little extra time, love , and Robitussin!