hmm

I find myself in a weird place right now. I have no motivation. To do anything. I don't know where my get-up-and-go went but I would like it back. I have things to do. Things that need to be done. I don't really care. Actually I do care, I just..............I don't know. I feel like everytime I get it done, I gotta do it over again. Breaking my leg hasn't been good for me. I hated doing nothing, but got used to it not being done. I look around and our house and I am so overwhelmed that I don't even know where to start.
Maybe I will just start with making dinner................

money

I just finished paying the bills. There are a few upsides to working. Not only am I making a little money to add to the household...I don't spend anywhere near the money that I use to. Of course, I don't actually have any time to go shopping.
I miss shopping. Mostly I miss hanging out with girlfriends while shopping. I didn't really need anything but girl time. Now I need to find another way to get that girl time. Hmmmm

Any ideas?

jobs...

I am finally earning a little respect for the 3 day weekend, again. I am usually home every day so it used to just mean that the boys had an extra day home with me. Now it means I have an extra day at home. To do nothing, or to do everything. Either one. I can choose. Which is way better than getting up and going to work that I am not so sure about.

I am expected to follow along the same lines as everyone around the school. This I get. What I don't get is HOW?!? At one point I have 130+ kids in the cafeteria. They are loud. They can be disrespectful and they can try my patience.

This is not what I want to be when I grow up.

I am trying out different solutions. But the solutions all have to fit within the confines of the structure that the staff has set up. Get that! Just don't get HOW!

So.........I am appreciating my 3 day weekend. I am appreciating my 3 boys. I am appreciating the fact that I do not have to constantly remind them to use their manners, not to smear ketchup across the table, to pick up what they have dropped, and not to use their friends as punching bags (physically and emotionally).

We have know these two girls since before Sarah (the youngest) was born. Haley & Keegan were just 2 years old, and now they are 13.

We love just hanging out. They are the kids that you can be totally goofy with and it's not embarrassing. They are just as goofy, if not maybe more.

Haley wanted to get the camera out and recreate a picture we have of her and Keegan from when they were about 6 or 7. I wish i could load that picture, but I don't even think it was digital at the time!

Well, we are off to shop...Konley needs clothes for his concert this week!

Chell

New Year....new ???

I am not one for New Year's resolutions. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that as soon as i think I can't have something I want it even more. So, I am going the other way. Not necessarily things that I can't have, but maybe things that I would like to be better at.

Exercise:
Yep, can't even touch this one. After being on crutches for over 7 weeks I am still the household "hop-a-long" and I just can't even begin to think of running around. I am just ecstatic at the thought of being able to walk up the stairs!

Blog:
Boy, have I been terrible. Sometimes I feel like there is something that I want to say, but not really sure how it would go over, so I don't say anything. Maybe I should also start a computer diary that is password protected so I can't still get it out. Hmmmm. But, I would like to try harder at adding to this blog.

Listening:
I am trying to figure out at what point in my life I went from being the one that listened to the one that won't stop talking. I hate this about myself. I can even hear myself inside my head yelling at my mouth to stop. I have even had a lady at work tell me that I talk too much! Gonna really try and work on this one, so if I have talked your ear off....give me the look, I will get it.

My boys:
Our boys have gotten to the age where they are so very independent. But I have been internally arguing with myself about that. Not about letting them be independent, but about remembering that as they get older they still need time with me/us. That just because they CAN be independent doesn't mean that they SHOULD be.

Myself:
I will remember that God made me first. He didn't make me a wife, mother, friend, or para first. He made me. So I have to remember that I need to take time for me. I downloaded a Bible app to my IPod & I am going to try to read the daily verse. Really? How hard is that? How hard is praying for friends and family? Not just when they need it, but when they think that they don't. I will take time out. To read, to pray, to be me, to be a friend, to be a girl (in a world of boys), to just be.

May all of your new year's ideas take flight,
Chell

ugh!

Ever since I knew that I really should go back to work I have wanted to work at school. I worked a little while in the preschool last year, but I really wanted more time. Now that I am working at Jack's school I am wondering what I was thinking.
I know that i can do this. But sometimes I wonder how I am supposed to get anything done when I feel like I am being undermined every time I turn around. Oy! How am I supposed to establish my set of rules and expectations if someone else keeps changing them? I literally had to choke back the tears this morning after 3 different lunches! It was all I could do not to quit after my 3 permanent day. Not a good way to start....
After lunch I go work with a little boy who is learning to read. As he was reading Dr. Seuss I just watched him and was so thankful (in my head) that I got the opportunity to sit with him and actually make some kind of difference. He is working so hard and it is so good to watch him improve everyday. This is what I want to do when I grow up. This is what I want to be. This is my goal. It may take me a while to get more than just 1/2 each day, but I will get there.
In the meantime my girlfriend helped me with a bit of (Christmas) retail therapy. Then my other girlfriend sent me a random, out-of-the-blue goody package. It was silly. It nearly made me cry with happiness. My kids and my husband decorated both of our Christmas trees while I watched from the couch with my foot up.
We are watching Mickey's Christmas and I am ok for now. I am grateful for so many other things and I will keep reminding myself of that everytime I think that I just can't do this job anymore.

Butterfly bandages

so, I have to start this from the beginning. It is kind of a pain to just "run" into the store. I have to get my crutches out from the passenger seat, crutch around to the back, open the hatch, get out my roller cart & head into the store. I decided to just use the electric carts that they have at Target. Not my best idea. Jeff's 97 year old grandpa can walk faster than these carts. It took nearly a full minute to "drive" to the back of the store! Then I was looking for butterfly bandages. (side note: Jeff cut the back of his hand open & we didn't have any. so we borrowed some from the neighbor. we used all of theirs and I wanted to replace theirs & add some to our stock....which is why I was on a mission. ) When I checked out the lady asked if I found everything...(lady being a relative term, because I don't think she could serve beer, or even get into a bar, but I digress.) I told her that they didn't carry butterfly bandages. She says, "well, we have princess ones, will those work?" HUH?!? oh. no. not those kinds of butterflies!
Slow cart and all she totally made my day.

The next day I headed to Rite Aid. They've got to have them right? Well, I was not going through the effort of getting out my scooter. I am not going to sit through another slow cart. I will just use my crutches. Got help. Found the bandages. Yeah! hooray! huh....how to carry them? When one has a broken leg, one also has no hands to use. They are being used to carry me. Oy vay! (The lady that was helping me was standing there so I just told her I was putting them in my pocket to get to the front counter. She just smiled and said, "of course".)

could you imagine how different this tale would have been if they had thought I was shoplifting instead? not good. Not good at all.