School starts

how strange this year is beginning.

It is raining and it is August.

You can already feel fall in the air, but it feels like summer never actually started.

I feel as if I spent the whole summer planning and throwing birthday parties. It is getting a bit much. Overwhelming really.

so school starts next week. I have 2 in middle school and now Jack is all day. I truly figured that I would have some kind of job to fill those 5 days a week, 6 hours a day. I don't. And the days are looming.

I know that i will volunteer. I know that i will find things to fill my days. But today? it feels overwhelming. That's alot of time to kill/fill. Thirteen years ago I quit my job and became a stay-at-home-mom. (Well it took another 20 days to actually be the mom, but you know what i mean.) A whole new phase is starting and I don't really know how I feel about it.

I know that i will figure it out. I know that I will fill my days. But today? Today I will just wonder and hope and pray that I will know what to do with my days come next Wednesday. I think I will start with getting Jack to his brand new classroom and then heading out for first day of school breakfast as has been the custom for 8 years. After that? who knows?

nervous

A long time ago Jeff told me he wanted me to get a job when Jack was in school full-time. AAACK! REally? Haven't had a job in 13 years. Now? I really want this one. It would be perfect. It's 6 hours a day. I could still volunteer in Jack's class at the end of the day. I could be home just after the boys get home. I wouldn't have to find daycare. I could still watch Megan in the morning so that Karen can work.

I turned in my application. I let our principal know that I was applying. I have recs from some great people in our school. Now I just have to wait. Jeff says not to get myhopes up. Rationally... I know that. But when does life react rationally?

Our school attendance secretary has decided to retire. A part of me REALLY wants her job. It would fit me perfectly! We could really use the extra money. It wouldn't affect any of Jack's time out of school.
Part of me?.....is scared to death!

Finishing the application tomorrow...will keep you posted!

today

Today I don't really feel like being me. I look around at the mess that is my house and wonder why the cleaning fairy didn't show up this week. (Maybe I just don't pay her enough.) I have yet another birthday party to throw this weekend. Don't get me wrong. I love my boys but I get rather tired of spending all summer planning, buying, organizing and cleaning for nearly 6 parties. Cuz each has a kid and each has a family party. This year we combined Keegan and Jack's family parties, but still.

Just don't feel like being me today. Maybe I will feel better about me tomorrow.

i know that school hasn't started yet, but apparently, pta doesn't really sleep. i have started asking questions like: why don't you want to be a part of pta? what about it turns you off? what do you like? yadda yadda. I am totally nervous about this!
I feel like I am floating in unchartered waters. There is a reason that I say no to these things. What if I screw up? What if I totally bomb and everyone thinks i have made a total mess out of the year? What if no one helps and i end up doing it all by myself? These are the questions of a partial control freak. look at the 5th grade moving up. Most of the prep work I did all by myself. People wouldn't step up. They just look the other way. What if I just don't know what I am doing?
New principal. New vice-principal. New part-time job for me. New president. New pta board. That's alot of "new". That's alot of unknown. I feel like there is this large black hole where the upcoming year is. How do I fill a black hole?
I have this small pit in the bottom of my stomach. I actually really wanted this after i thought about it. i wanted to prove that I could......but what if I can't?

Summer

As much fun as summer is, I find it crazy and chaotic. I like order. I like things to make sense. Chaos throws me for a loop. You would think that having 3 boys would prepare me for that. Not really. I keep a tight rein on things. I am kind of a control-freak with their schedules and their lives. Summer changes that.

Takes me a while to figure it out. I barely check my email. I actually vaccuumed the whole house. We have extra friends spend the night. I plan 3 kid birthdays and shop galore!

I lov esummer, but man does it throw off my equilibrium. But I am learning to deal...

Having one of "those" kind of days! UGH!

One of those days that truly would have been better if I had just stayed in bed.

I had to get some necessary, but irritating errands done. Better to get them all done in one day, right? Not so much.

Keegan club ordered brand new socks this year. Mind you we have both red, white and black. The blacks stayed the same, but soccer socks aren't cheap. He wore them one weekend and the tops of the red ones are ripped. They are not good quality socks. The white ones already have a pull in the elastic. His sweat pants from last year? They ripped out in the bum. He had only

had them for 2 weeks. We deal with the Soccer West out in Woodinville and I just hadn't made it out there to change out his sweats. But now that we had 3 things I decided that today was the day. Drove out to Woodinville. Not exactly in my neighborhood. Drove into the parking lot...

THEY WERE CLOSED. GONE. SIGN TAKEN DOWN!

Not my day.

Jack was hungry. Asking to stop at every restaurant along the way. Frustrated we went to Ruby's Diner. They promised to order off the kids' menu. They did. Keegan got a toasted cheese....when he ordered a BBQ chicken breast. Not the same. Our waitress was terrible. Not good customer service from this teenager. She refilled my Coke when i still had half left, and never even asked the boys if they were out or full. I had to ask.

Not my day.

So we went to Fred Meyer. The boys needed to replace a video game that wasn't working. Konley had a gift card, he thought was worth $20. Nope, only $10. Do I make them learn a lesson or just cover it til we get home? I covered it, cuz I just didn't want to go back. We make it to the counter. I get out my debit card..........it is still at Ruby's. In Woodinville. We are in Lynnwood.

NOT my day!

There are banks in every F.M. Thank goodness this one had a US Bank. Went in. Cancelled my card. Ordered a new one. New one? Not in till next week sometime. OY!

Better just be this one day. Tomorrow I am sleeping til noon just to make sure!