Mother's Day

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day

When you come from a family of divorced and re-married parents you have to look at life a little differently. As a grown-up, I can finally see it. How many people have 4 different families with so many different women to show you what being a mom is like? I grew up with 2 moms, 5 grandmothers, 2 aunts and so many family friends that had an influence.

I feel as though I took from them what I loved. I was lucky enough to be able to stay home their first 13 years. I am independent and strong enough to not do everything for them. Teach them that we are a family and no one is any more important than anyone else and you are responsible for your own crap stuff. I am able to give them the love and care that have helped them grow to be great men.

I do not make my husbands lunch every morning. It is not that I don't love him, it's just never been something that I feel I needed to do. Now that the older boys are middle and high they have to make their own lunch. I am trying to teach them skills that they can grow with.

I love my roses as they remind me of my grandma. I am cautious of anything that has too much of an odor as my other grandma was allergic. I think of another grandma when I look at my wedding ring: she told me never to take it off because it makes it too easy to take it off permanently. (I have only taken it off when pregnant and when I had my shoulder surgery. In both instances they would have had to cut it off, but I wore it on a necklace.)

I learned that some birthdays are more important than others, but all are important and should be treated as your own special day. My mom always made homemade cakes for us (we didn't always know what they were supposed to be but....) so we knew she took a bit of extra time just for us.

No matter what influence they have had on me cooking is still not my thing. I can. I do. I just don't enjoy it. We eat pretty simply.

On this mother's day I have to remind myself that there are so many more "mothers" in our world than just our own. I have learned from mine, also from my grandmothers, aunts, cousins, and friends that have been beautiful examples of motherhood. I am grateful for all of them and all that they have taught me.

spring break

What an amazing spring break! we had a staycation...sort of...kind of... well, a staycation that we had to fly to. We flew to LAX. On Virgin America. Ever flown with them? Groovy would be the best way to describe it all. When we first got on the plane the music was throw-back 60's and the lights in the ceiling were purple and blue black light. Feeling a bit trippy. But it was fun. They make light of the whole safety lecture they have to give. They have tv screens in every head rest! So much easier when everyone controls their own!

Then we drove 2.5 hours to Palm Springs. Desert. Sun. 90 degrees. Pool. Outlet shopping. food. family.

Really? Need I say more?

We just hung out. For 5 days. I got my vitamin D intake. Got my UNO fix. Hung in the pool in the pool loungers with my sis. Hung out. To relax. Not to be a taxi driver. Not to manage a soccer team. Not to find a random kindergartener that was supposed to be picked up but rode the bus instead. None of it.

And I loved it! I really didn't want to leave. I could picture myself singing along in the car with the AC on, tan on my face and the sun SHINING! Year round!

May have to put some thought into this...

Nearly a month

It's been nearly a month and I spend so much time on my computer at my new job that I barely open it at home. Read blogs? Write blogs? Oy vay! I am lucky if I am home before 9:30, so I will try.

I am trying to figure out this new life. This new working mom schedule. Never been like this before? WHen do you go to the grocer? When do I do laundry? Tuesday laundry day is definitely not a go anymore.

With all that said...we are going to Palm Springs Ca on Friday. Spring Break here we come. 87 degrees. Sunshine. love. laughter. family. shopping. drinking. swimming. cribbage. rummy. relaxation. no soccer. no school. no taxi-driver.

I will come back refreshed.

I will come back renewed.

I am hoping to come back recharged and ready to go!

Wish me luck!

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Jeff went to work last night and so I had the remote and tv to myself. These days that is a rarity. We have had the netflix movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel for a while now. We haven't had alot of movie watching time and everytime Jeff looked at it he tossed it back down on the table. Not a sign of enthusiasm for a movie.

Keegan and I watched it last night. Konley wandered off to the man cave. Not really his genre. It was good. The characters in it evolve and change so much and you are rooting for them to become better. Become more. Become more of who they really wanted to be. Not bitter. Not lost. Not on the edge of nothingness. One wanted to find an old friend. One really just wanted to find herself. And another few just wanted to be wanted/needed by someone else. Not necessarily even loved just finding a place in life to be needed.

These are all things that we all want I think. To be found. To be wanted. To be needed (though there are days I would like to not be needed quite so much). To be as much of ourselves as we can.

rearranging

              For 12 of the last 15 years I have been at home. I have done the laundry. I have done the cooking (which includes the planning and the shopping.). I have done the cleaning. I am the head taxi driver. I take them to the dentist and doctor and get them shots and refill their asthma medicine.

              Life has changed. Not for the better or the worse. Just changed. Now my family is adjusting to the rearranging of their lives. I used to be home when they got home. Helped with homework. Was the mom that could pick up friends and run them home cuz their parents worked. Now I am that mom. The one that can't get Keegan to high school soccer tryouts in the middle of the afternoon so I have to depend on him getting a ride from someone else's mom. Part of it is killing me inside.

I never wanted to be anything but a mom. I know that I need to be doing something now that they are all in school. At some point they will all be gone and I definitely will need some skills to fall back on. Why not a job that has summers off so that I can spend time with them and someday their kids? But I still get a lump in my throat on Sunday nights when we are trying to go over everyone's schedules and I can't be there for everything. I know I need to let go, but days when I have to call Konley (like today) and say that I won't be home until 6, daddy is teaching, brothers have soccer and does he want to go or stay at home and he wants to stay? These are hard.

Nearly everyone I work with has grown children. Nearly. I had a mom come in the other day and make the "grand" statement "you never get to be done with work do you?" I was confused for a minute until I realized that I had just kissed kid #3 and sent him off to class from my desk. She was pointing out that we both go from working with kids to going home and "working" with kids. It's no wonder my brain doesnt' know which way is up by 8 pm.

Being that it's nearly 8 now? I am off to kiss my boys good night and hunker down with my blankies on the couch until my hubby gets home. I will worry about the guilt tomorrow...

Weekend

Jeff turned 40 on Christmas Eve. There is not alot of birthday celebrations going on that day between work and church and he really wanted to go somewhere. And of course, he wanted to go to Vegas. Kinda cliche, but not my party so off we went.

I forget how much I really just don't like donating my money and not getting anything in return for it. Does anyone actually ever win anything in Vegas? I have never come home with the same money, or more, in my pocket. There is always the hope, but no.

My favorite part of the weekend was outlet mall shopping, (thank you Ja'an), sitting poolside soaking my feet  and absorbing the sunshine that I haven't seen in a while, going to see a show and visiting with friends. Gambling? Just frustrating. Watching my husband and his friends wear goofy glasses and a pointy birthday hat without a fuss all night? Priceless.

Our next vacation will include the shopping and the sunshine but definitely not the handing over of money in vast quantities!

THat job?

That job I wanted? GOT IT!!!!

I am so excited! I have had moments this weekend of missing a few kids that I have really created a relationship with. Kids that just make me smile when I walk in the room. 

Only recently I have started working with a few groups of kids. There is one group that I was seriously worried about, but I have loved it! That I will miss. Knowing that they were going back to their teachers and telling them how I taught it to them and they remembered it! It made sense to them. Enough sense that they wanted to go back to their classrooms and share what they learned! Yay!

Those are the moments that I will miss. I will also miss the people that I worked with in the cafeteria. What I won't miss? Throwing up kids. Tattling kids. Dropped trays on spaghetti days followed by milk being dripped down the walkway. I also won't miss syrup and gravy days.

Starting a new adventure is always a bit scary, but this one? So very ready to step up.

Chell

interview

I had my interview today. For the job that I really, really want? I was shaking like a leaf when I got done. I couldn't have buttoned my buttons for any amount in the world. Shaking more than when I went in. Every question that they asked? Drew a total BLANK. Give us an example of.... huh? me? What did you say again? I don't think I really answered that question.

I am so very uncomfortable talking about myself. Yes. I do realize that is the whole reason for an interview. I just don't like to brag about what I can do or how well I can do thing. Yes. Again. I do realize that is the whole reason for an interview. 

My smile for the day? My friend that I work with? I hung my clothes in her office so I could change when I got done with cafeteria duty (who wants to interview with ketchup and applesauce down the leg of your pants?). Anyways, she left post-it notes on my shirt: "stays out partying all night"; "does not get along with the cooks"; "always late"; and "doesn't get along well with others". I just cracked up. I tried to keep them on my shirt to walk in with but they kept falling off. So I stuck them end to end and handed them to our principal as my "references". She laughed so hard. She decided that they were also her traits and she was just going to keep them! If I don't get this job at least I will get to continue to work with this wonderful lady every day.

I will hopefully know by the end of the week. Will let you know.....

M

weekend

Thank goodness we only had 3 days this week of school. I fell asleep on the couch 2 out of 3 nights this week. Don't know if I could actually DO 5 days in a row. So along came the weekend... think it would be calmer, wouldn't ya? well...nope

My little brother came over Friday night cuz it's been a while and we had his Christmas stuff. Too bad he came at 6 and I had to have Keegan to practice at 7. Well, I hate to feed you and run but that's my story.

Today? A funeral (I have been to 4 in the last year and that's more than the last 10 years!), then run home, eat lunch, watch Keegan's soccer game (they won 3-2 btw), then home to change and out to dinner for a friends birthday. Finally resting on my couch at 9 pm.

Tomorrow? Same thing but in reverse minus the funeral. Soccer (in Tacoma for me/Keegan and Snohomish for Jeff/Konley), Jeff's family over for Seahawks and a Christmas get together that we hadn't had yet.

I think I see a sick day in my future. One that involves actually not setting my alarm, reading my book in my comfy spot on the couch, catching up on whatever is on my DVR, and actually taking more than 15 minutes to make dinner.

These are still my favorite days. I love to root on my boys. I love to watch them succeed, and hurt with them when they fail. Guess that's part of being the mom. Weekends are when we get to be who we want to be before going back to being who we have to be.

Back to school

There's a job I want.

I really, really want. 

Our attendance secretary left. She had to retire to take care of family issues. 

I want her job. 

I interviewed for it when she got it. I just hadn't been around long enough. 

Now? It's been 3 years. I have tried to say, "yes, I would be happy to help you with that" for the last 3 school years. I have volunteered in the office. I have set aside some of my day every day to help with anything necessary in the office. 

Our new head secretary and I seem to get along really well. She is fun. She gets work done. She seems pretty straight forward. I think I fit in well with that.

I love working with the kids. I don't really love feeling like their waitress and busboy. I don't really love feeling like I can do more with what I have and who I am.

I really, really want this job.

not being so scared

I think I need to find a way to not be so scared of my friends. 

I am always afraid to call.

Afraid that I might interfere. 

Afraid that they will say no.

So afraid of the rejection. 

Unfortunately that is always a part of me. Has been since I was a little girl. People seem to leave me more than I understand. 

Maybe I make it too easy. 

But I don't know how to do it any differently.

And that? I hate.

Things I have learned

There are many different things that I keep re-learning this time of year. 

1. I miss alot of my family. I miss that my sister is 4 states/2 days away. I miss that her and my little/big brother weren't around for breakfast or dinner or games of backgammon or Call of Duty with the boys. I am learning that I need to figure out a way to make this not so hard every year. But, I don't really want to (that's the stubborn big sister in me.)

2. I am learning who my real friends are. Friends that will laugh, cry, chat til 3 am, call me "just cuz", and send goofy texts just to tell me that they are thinking of me. 

3. I am learning that I am stronger than I thought I was. I tend to hide in the corner. Don't want to be the first person to make contact because I might "interrupt" what someone is doing. But don't I just love it when someone calls out of the blue?

4. I have learned that being a daughter, a grown-up daughter, isn't always that easy. Sometimes I have to be the grown-up. Sometimes I have to say "I am sorry". Sometimes I have to say it just to make peace even if I wasn't in the wrong. 

5. I am learning that we have done a pretty good job so far with our boys. Yes they are slobs. Yes they are not perfect (Only one ever has been and I definitely didn't raise Him, just believe in Him.). But they are good. They are polite, grateful, fun, smart, kind and good. And I love all 3 of them with all of my heart. 

6. I have learned that creativity is my outlet. I love to create. It doesn't really matter what it is. I found it rather funny that the big thing I wanted for Christmas was a new sewing machine. The kids at school thought that was like asking for a vacuum or something. Not to me. It's my escape. If you have ever been a recipient of one of my crafty moments I hope that you get as much love out of it as I have put into it.

7. I have also learned that I need to listen more, complain less, love bigger and share more. Remind myself that it is not all about me. That only God knows the plans He has for me and I just need to believe and trust in Him and all these other things that I have learned? They will follow along as they are supposed to. 

December 2012

It's been since July. It's not that nothing has happened. It's just that our life in the fall is 6 days a week of soccer with many weekends and nights overlapping. I spend alot of time in the car. Alot.

I can't even post you pictures of soccer since we have a new computer and it has not yet been contaminated with the hundreds of pictures that I take. Thank God for digital.

So, soccer has slowed down and we are on to Christmas. We spent the weekend covering so much with garland and lights and ornaments and decorations and any other Christmas thing you can imagine. Except for lights on the house. Living in WA can make getting lights on your third story roof a bit dangerous. This weekend was wet and windy. Definitely not prime time for asking hubby to please climb up on the wet and slippery slope because I want the house to look pretty. Maybe I will this weekend.

Maybe I also haven't had a lot to say cuz we have nothing exciting and big. Maybe if I could get used to blogging the little things on a more consistent basis it would be easier. Maybe that should be my New Year's resolution. Last years worked out....no more injuries that result in PT. Too bad I have been doing the same PT for the last 18 months....but nothing new. I think I might try that one again!

July 2012

Holy Cannoli's! What a month!

We waited forever for school to get out. It was nearly July by the time we got out of school but we had plans!

My little sister was marrying her love, Dusty!

We drove to Colorado (which took 2 days). We spent all week doing wedding "stuffs". Well, sister and I did wedding stuffs. The boys? They went fishing, they went swimming, they played, they totally played. 

Wednesday we had a free day so we grabbed Megs and went to Estes Park CO. The best driving road EVER! Through the mountains back and forth with a sign that was a S on it's side! Thank Goodness Jeff was driving since i am still driving one-handed and I don't think I could have driven that road....but it would have been a blast! Estes Park is alot like Leavenworth, lots of little shops and restaurants. The biggest difference is  it has an elevation of over 7,000 feet! There is even a tram that you can take up to the top of the mountain behind the town. We didn't take it, but went putt-putting instead. It was sunny, it was cloudy, the wind came up, the thunder and lightning was in the distance and the rain came down lightly. Not the best time to have a metal putter in your hands, but.... we were on vacation.

Thursday Konley turned 13. We now have 2 teenagers. He was afraid we weren't going to do anything. Boy! Was he wrong! There is an amusement/waterpark in the middle of downtown Denver. We packed everybody up, took the day off from wedding stuff and went to ride the rides. It was a great day!

We rode the log ride and got SOAKED! (Twice) We rode the skateboard half-pipe. We laughed our way through the mind-eraser rollercoaster. This roller coaster had the wheels above your head so you were sitting in the a "floating" seat. When it cork-screwed your feet flew out the sides and over your head out into nothing! I could barely breathe by the time we stopped, total exhilaration!

Friday was the rehearsal dinner.

Saturday my little sister took her love's last name. It was an amazing, beautiful, tear-filled day. The weather co-operated. The wedding party co-operated. The day went off without a hitch. I love that girl and I am so glad that she found someone that makes her happy. The best thing? We love Dusty too. He loves our boys, hangs out with us without any weirdness. He loves to fish and took the boys out to share his local lakes. I miss them both so much already.

I am putting fare-watcher on my computer so I can "pop" down every once in a while.

Now we are home. Dealing with the aftermath of the drive. Jeff ended up with 2 blood clots in his leg from sitting so long. They say it could take up to 6 months to totally wrap up the treatments. I am handling it better than when we first found out. He is doing a tremendous job of following his instructions to the T. For a man who hates pills he understands the enormity of it all.

Now we are just getting ready for birthday #2 and all that August brings. 

months later...

It's hard to explain what the last few months have been like. I am pretty tired of whining so...

My boys had whooping cough. Yep, we are a statistic!

Then spring break, over which my boys had to heal (and cough).

Then YAY my sister came into town and I got to throw her a wedding shower! It was so much fun! I miss her terribly and I was so glad to be able to do this for her.

My sister and I . Boy! Am I going to need to lose a bit of weight and try to keep my eyes open when I smile! Oy!

There were alot of friends and family

 that came to celebrate!

Let's see.....
I had surgery. Shoulder surgery. left over crap from the Toyota incident. Turns out my bicep tore away from my labrum, which wraps around your shoulder bone. Took them 9 months to figure it out, but at least we are on the right track. Hence the absolutely no blogging.
Do you know how hard it is to type with one hand? or button your pants? do your bra? do your HAIR? This I am still struggling with and it is driving me crazy. I can't lift my arm up high enough to actually reach my HAIR! I am figuring out how vain I am about my hair, and I am not really learning to be better with it. Just counting down the days until I can really do anything with it myself. In th meantime Jeff is learning to put in a basic ponytail so I can sleep at night. I am learning to do things again and slowly. I have to lift my arm up to my computer to type, I can't open jars or doors or carry my purse with my left hand. But I am still grateful to God that eventuallyI will be able to do these things and it is not permanent.

THen there was my birthday. Yep somehow I turned 42. 42? really? how did that happen? I don't feel 42.
I am patiently counting down the days til the end of school and our trip to Colorado. We are driving with the boys, as airfare is through the roof. Wish us luck, it's 20 hours and I think we are going to need it!

I will get better as I get faster. I am on the computer more often now so I will try to keep up!
Enjoy your weekend!

whooping cough

When I said my boys were sick I guess that was an understatement.

It is so hard to sit by and watch your 14 year old choke and not be able to breathe because he is coughing so hard.

It is strange to have to report to the Snohomish Health district because he somehow contracted Whooping cough.

And yes....to all of you who have asked, with the "hairy eyeball", all of my boys have been vaccinated. with everything. just when they recommend it. I may need a tetanus booster but my boys? yep they are right on schedule and will be while they are under my care.

Whooping cough? yep it is a quarantine situation. Keegan did not leave the house from last friday until this Saturday. He barely left the couch. He wasn't even sure where his shoes were. He only left last friday to go to the doctor and the pharmacy. He hasn't been to school since tuesday the 20th. And now we are on spring break.

He stepped on the scale and lost over 8 pounds. I  could easily lose 8 pounds.....him not so much at all. I don't actually know where it came from. His face is so gaunt it looked scary yesterday. He doesn't even weigh close to 100 pounds anymore. He is 5'7" and is 14. Gonna have to make him pasta for breakfast every day.

It is so hard to sit by and watch. They say that whooping cough is no londer contagious once you aer finished with your antibiotics, (which we all had to take as a precaution) but you can cough up to 4-6 weeks. Four to six weeks! That is crazy!

catch up

All of the males in my house are sick. Not just down and out...but nasty coughing, fearful they are going to hack up a lung sick. They have made it to school, but it sure has slowed things down around here.

Keegan was supposed to have a game tonight, but he is home hanging out. Jack is now so hoarse he has to re-start sentences a couple of times before he can get them out. Konley just coughs so hard I walk downstairs to make sure he is breathing.

But to tell you the truth this is nothing. Keegan's asthma is nothing. A friend of our had a baby, at just 26 weeks last night. I read the text from her this morning and I immediately started to cry. They tried for so long to get pregnant and they have been to the hospital once already. They said everything was ok, but obviously this time around they weren't.

I know, and have always known, that there is God. He listens to our prayers. He listens to your needs and desires and He still does all things in His time. I just continue to pray to him that they let this beautiful baby girl grow up to be as strong and healthy as her parents.

May you all hug and kiss those that you love just a little bit harder tonight and remember that all of our stresses can only be answered by One, and that there are many things that are so much worse than some of our worse days. I am grateful for coughing children that may just need a little extra time, love , and Robitussin!

Can't fix it

There are days when I just can't fix it for them. Days when things aren't going their way and I can't fix it. There are days when I know that letting my boys work through their "stuff" will help them so much more than doing it for them. But it is so hard not to do it for them.

Keegan has a new coach and a new team. He is still playing with his club team and they have a new coach. Something that was a complete surprise. And the new coach? Total 180 from the original coach. Not necessarily 180 in the right direction. There is no encouragement, the other was all about encouragement. New coach sits through the whole game barely speaking; old coach walked the sidelines talking and encouraging the whole time. I think there where times he lost his voice at the end of each weekend. New coach has great technical skills and zero people skills. People skills are so important to 14 year olds. They need to hear that they have done well. They need to hear what they have done wrong in a non-critical voice. They are sponges so ready to learn. Keegan put it the best: he is a great trainer, but a terrible coach. Never really thought about it that way, but it makes complete sense.

To top it off he is also playing high school soccer. This week was 6 days, making school alone 12 hours plus the 3.5 for club ball. New coach. New kids. New everything. Exhaustion and Frustration.

Wish I could fix it. Wish I could make it better. Know that he is going to have to work this out on his own.

Soccer family, not a baseball family

Sorry it's been so long.

I sometimes don't know what to say or do with myself.

Life here is crazy, as I am sure everyone else's is.

Usually we are in the middle of baseball season. Nobody wanted

to play this year. Part of me is so very grateful. Baseball season is so

overwhelming!

Six days a week. Nearly 4 hours a night some nights with 2 playing.

Not this year!

No bleacher butt.

No snow coat.

No 10 pm nights still under the lights.

Except.

Except soccer never ends.

Never.

Keegan has been playing club ball for 4 years or so. They play year round.

Nearly every weekend.

Practice 2-3 nights a week.

Plus..

Add in high school soccer.

Yay! He made JV for Cascade High.

So...

Back to 6 days a week.

Bleacher butt.

Snow coat.

10 pm nights under the lights.

That's ok. Our family loves soccer.

Good thing, cuz Jack starts in 3 weeks and Konley wants to try out for select too!

Meg's wedding

My little sister is getting married this summer and I am so excited! Unfortunately, we are a few states apart. Thank you God for the internet and instand messaging, and facebook and Pinterest. Oh and Ebay. We have spent the last couple of days looking at flowers for bouquets. Without the internet we wouldn't have been able to do this together so much. I found some different ideas through Google, pinned them to Meg's wedding board on Pinterest and she checks them out from her end. If I can't be hand-in-hand with her this is the second best thing. We found a beautiful flower and it took me a while but I searched and found that it is Plumeria, they use them to make leis. They are beautiful as a wedding bouquet. Also found lemons in vases wrapped in ribbon as centerpieces. So much more fun than when we got married and you had to thumb through every book and idea that they had.

We are already planning our trip in July. We have been on Mapquest more than ever. Mapping out routes. Proving to the boys that the Grand Canyon is way too far out of the way. Figuring out if Jeff will fly back home to go back to work so as not to take more than the week off.

Weddings bring out the best (and the worst, for some) of people. Right now I am full of smiles and happiness for this beautiful girl who is now a woman who is looking forward to a very happy day!