Mother's Day

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day

When you come from a family of divorced and re-married parents you have to look at life a little differently. As a grown-up, I can finally see it. How many people have 4 different families with so many different women to show you what being a mom is like? I grew up with 2 moms, 5 grandmothers, 2 aunts and so many family friends that had an influence.

I feel as though I took from them what I loved. I was lucky enough to be able to stay home their first 13 years. I am independent and strong enough to not do everything for them. Teach them that we are a family and no one is any more important than anyone else and you are responsible for your own crap stuff. I am able to give them the love and care that have helped them grow to be great men.

I do not make my husbands lunch every morning. It is not that I don't love him, it's just never been something that I feel I needed to do. Now that the older boys are middle and high they have to make their own lunch. I am trying to teach them skills that they can grow with.

I love my roses as they remind me of my grandma. I am cautious of anything that has too much of an odor as my other grandma was allergic. I think of another grandma when I look at my wedding ring: she told me never to take it off because it makes it too easy to take it off permanently. (I have only taken it off when pregnant and when I had my shoulder surgery. In both instances they would have had to cut it off, but I wore it on a necklace.)

I learned that some birthdays are more important than others, but all are important and should be treated as your own special day. My mom always made homemade cakes for us (we didn't always know what they were supposed to be but....) so we knew she took a bit of extra time just for us.

No matter what influence they have had on me cooking is still not my thing. I can. I do. I just don't enjoy it. We eat pretty simply.

On this mother's day I have to remind myself that there are so many more "mothers" in our world than just our own. I have learned from mine, also from my grandmothers, aunts, cousins, and friends that have been beautiful examples of motherhood. I am grateful for all of them and all that they have taught me.

spring break

What an amazing spring break! we had a staycation...sort of...kind of... well, a staycation that we had to fly to. We flew to LAX. On Virgin America. Ever flown with them? Groovy would be the best way to describe it all. When we first got on the plane the music was throw-back 60's and the lights in the ceiling were purple and blue black light. Feeling a bit trippy. But it was fun. They make light of the whole safety lecture they have to give. They have tv screens in every head rest! So much easier when everyone controls their own!

Then we drove 2.5 hours to Palm Springs. Desert. Sun. 90 degrees. Pool. Outlet shopping. food. family.

Really? Need I say more?

We just hung out. For 5 days. I got my vitamin D intake. Got my UNO fix. Hung in the pool in the pool loungers with my sis. Hung out. To relax. Not to be a taxi driver. Not to manage a soccer team. Not to find a random kindergartener that was supposed to be picked up but rode the bus instead. None of it.

And I loved it! I really didn't want to leave. I could picture myself singing along in the car with the AC on, tan on my face and the sun SHINING! Year round!

May have to put some thought into this...

Nearly a month

It's been nearly a month and I spend so much time on my computer at my new job that I barely open it at home. Read blogs? Write blogs? Oy vay! I am lucky if I am home before 9:30, so I will try.

I am trying to figure out this new life. This new working mom schedule. Never been like this before? WHen do you go to the grocer? When do I do laundry? Tuesday laundry day is definitely not a go anymore.

With all that said...we are going to Palm Springs Ca on Friday. Spring Break here we come. 87 degrees. Sunshine. love. laughter. family. shopping. drinking. swimming. cribbage. rummy. relaxation. no soccer. no school. no taxi-driver.

I will come back refreshed.

I will come back renewed.

I am hoping to come back recharged and ready to go!

Wish me luck!

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Jeff went to work last night and so I had the remote and tv to myself. These days that is a rarity. We have had the netflix movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel for a while now. We haven't had alot of movie watching time and everytime Jeff looked at it he tossed it back down on the table. Not a sign of enthusiasm for a movie.

Keegan and I watched it last night. Konley wandered off to the man cave. Not really his genre. It was good. The characters in it evolve and change so much and you are rooting for them to become better. Become more. Become more of who they really wanted to be. Not bitter. Not lost. Not on the edge of nothingness. One wanted to find an old friend. One really just wanted to find herself. And another few just wanted to be wanted/needed by someone else. Not necessarily even loved just finding a place in life to be needed.

These are all things that we all want I think. To be found. To be wanted. To be needed (though there are days I would like to not be needed quite so much). To be as much of ourselves as we can.

rearranging

              For 12 of the last 15 years I have been at home. I have done the laundry. I have done the cooking (which includes the planning and the shopping.). I have done the cleaning. I am the head taxi driver. I take them to the dentist and doctor and get them shots and refill their asthma medicine.

              Life has changed. Not for the better or the worse. Just changed. Now my family is adjusting to the rearranging of their lives. I used to be home when they got home. Helped with homework. Was the mom that could pick up friends and run them home cuz their parents worked. Now I am that mom. The one that can't get Keegan to high school soccer tryouts in the middle of the afternoon so I have to depend on him getting a ride from someone else's mom. Part of it is killing me inside.

I never wanted to be anything but a mom. I know that I need to be doing something now that they are all in school. At some point they will all be gone and I definitely will need some skills to fall back on. Why not a job that has summers off so that I can spend time with them and someday their kids? But I still get a lump in my throat on Sunday nights when we are trying to go over everyone's schedules and I can't be there for everything. I know I need to let go, but days when I have to call Konley (like today) and say that I won't be home until 6, daddy is teaching, brothers have soccer and does he want to go or stay at home and he wants to stay? These are hard.

Nearly everyone I work with has grown children. Nearly. I had a mom come in the other day and make the "grand" statement "you never get to be done with work do you?" I was confused for a minute until I realized that I had just kissed kid #3 and sent him off to class from my desk. She was pointing out that we both go from working with kids to going home and "working" with kids. It's no wonder my brain doesnt' know which way is up by 8 pm.

Being that it's nearly 8 now? I am off to kiss my boys good night and hunker down with my blankies on the couch until my hubby gets home. I will worry about the guilt tomorrow...

Weekend

Jeff turned 40 on Christmas Eve. There is not alot of birthday celebrations going on that day between work and church and he really wanted to go somewhere. And of course, he wanted to go to Vegas. Kinda cliche, but not my party so off we went.

I forget how much I really just don't like donating my money and not getting anything in return for it. Does anyone actually ever win anything in Vegas? I have never come home with the same money, or more, in my pocket. There is always the hope, but no.

My favorite part of the weekend was outlet mall shopping, (thank you Ja'an), sitting poolside soaking my feet  and absorbing the sunshine that I haven't seen in a while, going to see a show and visiting with friends. Gambling? Just frustrating. Watching my husband and his friends wear goofy glasses and a pointy birthday hat without a fuss all night? Priceless.

Our next vacation will include the shopping and the sunshine but definitely not the handing over of money in vast quantities!

THat job?

That job I wanted? GOT IT!!!!

I am so excited! I have had moments this weekend of missing a few kids that I have really created a relationship with. Kids that just make me smile when I walk in the room. 

Only recently I have started working with a few groups of kids. There is one group that I was seriously worried about, but I have loved it! That I will miss. Knowing that they were going back to their teachers and telling them how I taught it to them and they remembered it! It made sense to them. Enough sense that they wanted to go back to their classrooms and share what they learned! Yay!

Those are the moments that I will miss. I will also miss the people that I worked with in the cafeteria. What I won't miss? Throwing up kids. Tattling kids. Dropped trays on spaghetti days followed by milk being dripped down the walkway. I also won't miss syrup and gravy days.

Starting a new adventure is always a bit scary, but this one? So very ready to step up.

Chell